Welcome, Lizards! If you aren’t too busy, and didn’t see it Friday, check out the Gathering of Eagles photo my friend took.

Well, first off…shouldn’t we be hollering “LOAD AND LOCK!”? Just a rhetorical question, but lookee what I found surfing about the net:

The picture is on the blog Calvey in Iraq, an Army National Guard Captain now “over there” who used to be an Oklahoma State Representative. Talk about someone who knows the political ropes!He left a comment on LCDR Smash’s (aka “Marches with Moonbats”) post about the anti-war demonstators in DC on 3/17/2007.I chased the link and found this worth a thousand words (of legislative printing) picture…

Tracked back @: Third World County, Dragon Lady’s World

It’s almost like this could be in the WaPo or NYT any day now…

Dateline: Washington, DC March 14th, 2007

Congress, acting quickly on their success of changing when Daylight Savings Time goes into effect wasted no time in trumpeting their resounding success: The US is noticing a cooling “climate change” and Speaker of the House Pelosi wants people to know it was her push to change daylight saving time which actually accounts for the cooling seen last month as well, that made this happen.

To continue the trend is establishing a downward track of US temperatures, several House and Senate committees have been holding hearings on how a change in the Law of Gravity would further reduce the production of greenhouse gases. Initial response from the public has been over the top positive, says a new USA Today poll, showing a solid 92.7% of all those living in the US (includes, but did not identify by name and address illegal aliens responding) think it would be “a great idea” to reduce gravity by 25%, while another 5.2% would support the President signing a bill that had a long term reduction equal to 20%, implemented over a 10 year period, rather than a large cut all at once.

Harry Reid (D-NV), at a press conference to announce the bill he was sponsoring, the Unified Gravity Reduction Bill of 2007, told the fawning Washington Press Corps the change in gravity would reduce the amount of fuel needed for all sorts of transportation, therefore, a reduction of greenhouse gases would be achieved and the planet would once again find itself cooling off, possibly as early as August 2008, in time for all American citizens to see how once more, the Democrats have been real problem solvers, while the President did noting by try to make more pollution with his tax cuts, that encouraged economic growth and manufacturing.

While most Americans seem fine with this measure, “non-weight challenged” citizens voiced displeasure with the plan, one man outside on the Capitol steps, a short, skinny, buck-toothed redneck looking idiot, held up a handmade sign with this inscription: “Reduce Gravity and What’s Next? Slowing Down the Speed of Light?” In an interview off the record, this rube had the audacity to question the wisdom of such a great and obviously spectacular bill being forwarded by Congress. He must have been expelled from elementary school for carrying a licensed firearm and missed his environmental science lessons. He went on to say, if the trend caught on, since most Americans are “weight challenged” (his words of “d*** obese” have been changed as to not offend anyone who is too lazy to stop eating), if they chose to reduced gravity even more, he and the other skinny people would be the first to suffer “unintended consequences” by being blown away in a stiff wind. He went on to comment that fat people just liked the idea because their excess wouldn’t be pulled down so hard and for once in their lives they could claim “normal” weight values on such documents as medical insurance applications, while staying reasonable affixed to the earth, even in strong winds. Not stopping there, he said some of his weight lifter friends were complaining about how people who never had set foot in a gym would soon be able to lift like they have been all along, drawing a parallel to Barry Bonds taking steroids just so he could pound the ball out of the park all the time: It’s an artificial advantage and is an uneven playing field.

Not everyone is happy with this measure, which will benefit the entire world, even if the law is only placed in effect in America to begin. While 90% of the scientists are in consensus that this is a good thing to do, there are almost a full 10% who have taken a hard line of junk science saying mankind has no way to reduce or eliminate gravity at a whim or the placing of some ink on paper. It can be done for short periods, but they say it requires a significant expenditure of energy, thereby negating any savings of carbon emissions into the atmosphere. Several well known scientists have refuted these types of statements, calling them part of the outcasts in the science community and labeling them as “reality physics deniers.”

Al Gore, was not available for comment, but his spokesperson said he was holding a conference with the Boards of Directors of the company he currently purchases carbon credits from before he makes any press releases on his position.

One organization that is heralding such a measure passing as “great news for us” is the United States Parachute Association (USPA). A boon for jumpers and pilots alike, getting to altitude will take less energy and jump ticket prices should start dropping, which, as the USPA Executive Director, Chris Needles, projects will “begin to increase our stagnant membership numbers, as jumping becomes more affordable for more people and experienced jumpers will love being able to put 25% more freefall time in their logbooks per jump!”

The United Nations Secretary General, while not yet making a full statement, has been heard discussing with his staff if this might give the US an advantage over the other nations of the world, further having the appearance the at the US is “going it alone, without testing this new idea in the Court of World Opinion.” He also has wondered out loud if this measure might be looked upon as a leadership in global environmentalism and actually be a good idea for the rest of the world to try. The ambassadors for both China and India were heard to be protesting that they might be subject to any such rules in a working group of the Security Council this afternoon, fearing it might somehow cut into their productivity and fight to reach economic parity with the US.

President Bush, the worst President in the history of the US, was asked about this new proposal during his press conference where he was falsely claiming how the Surge in Iraq was already quickly reducing violence and civil unrest, said he wasn’t sure what gravity current was rated at, once more demonstrating what a shrub he is.

Well, not a bumper sticker, but it could have been….

On a t-shirt:

I live in my own little world….but that’s OK because they know me here.

Well, at the MSN Live search engine, I came up as the second listing when one coming to my blog searched for the phrase:

i am not drunk or stoned please help me stop this feeling

Oh, the things people search for…

Wouldn’t you like to see this one:

HT: History Mike – Toledo, OH

Dateline 15 February, 2007 – All Across the Northern Mid West through New England and South the DC Area:

Residents still reeling from the vicious winter attack by Mother Nature (aka Gaia) are now demanding Congress get on with the Global Warming issue…but in this strange turn of events, they want Congress to figure out how to make their localities warm once more.

Today, angry calls and emails flooded the Congressional Offices from constituents wondering why Congress wants to stop global warming. From the perspective of towns blanketed in over 100 inches of snow in the last few days, polls conducted by USA Today, the New York Times, CNN and other sources show a significant reversal of the sentiment about how global warming is hurting the planet.

Scientists who have been claiming Global Warming is a coming catastrophe are hearing remarks like this: “If it’s so warm, just where in the H*** did all this snow come from? I personally think they misread their temperature graphs and we’re headed into another ice age!”

So far, no statements have been released from the Speaker’s Office on the subject.

I admit, I’m no Scott Ott of Scrappleface, but…I try.

Tracked backed at:
History Mike
Eagle Speak

C’mon….someone must be writing good material out there…..

Anyhow, while I’m waiting, here’s more of the story I left you hanging with from last week…

Now, the tables had turned and it was going to be the crew of the USS SEATTLE (AOE-3) that would be holding the other end stick during an intrusion drill. Not to fear, OSC Mac, who had done some work with the SEALs in the South East Asian War Games, was in control. I was still and Ensign in training, so I didn’t comprehend all that was going on. Anyway, the Chief concocted a wonderful plan. Step one was to get three believable “intruders.”

• #1: ET2 Mike Krutsch. Disguise? Jeans, flannel shirt, hair pushing the regs. Story? Navy Exchange delivery guy with flowers for the SEATTLE XO.
• #2: OS3 Tom Mazzula. Disguise? Not really, he just wore his dungarees, but…he had a plastic baggie of “green vegetable matter” partially hanging out of his pocket.
• #3: OS2 Relph (I’m not completely sure I have this one right). No disguise either, and nothing special in hand/on his person.

“The Plan:” ET2, with a 3″x5″ card made black with magic marker, covering his red base sticker on the bumper of his personal Vega, drives down the pier (you actually could do that in those days), parking at the foot of the brow. Using his “excuse” of having to deliver the flowers, he would attempt to gain access to the ship. OS3 would, as soon as Mike got almost all the way up the ladder (about 30 feet long), would commence towards the quarterdeck, acting stoned/drunk. As he got the the top of the brow, OS2 Relph would also head aboard the ship. Saturation of the attention of the three watchstanders was the plan, in hopes of getting at least one past the security of the ship.

Well…the results were in quickly, once the “Plan” was put into motion….Krutsch parked right at the foot of the ladder and was hailed from the Quaterdeck. He replied he had flowers (Holding the box high) (oh, yeah, Chief Mac paid for the flowers), and was waved to come up. They never asked for any identification, but then a guy looking kinda drunk was coming up the ladder just now. All attention focused on Mazzula. Mike stood by, then quietly wandered aft on the main deck area and proceed to head for the after superstructure area, where the Executive Officer’s stateroom was. IN the background, imagine the hoots and hollers of the OOD, POOW and Messenger when they “caught a doper!” red-handed….Oh…OS2 Relph came up just as the commotion was in full swing and, not being fully questioned, inquired as to what happened. “WE just caught this guy!” (Holding up baggy of green vegetable matter as proof of the valiant response. Relph siddled off to the side, out of the gaze of the watchstanders….

Oh, yes…I almost forgot. SEATTLE was one of those ships that we could not confirm or deny the presence of nuclear weapons aboard. Why does that matter? You had to have two response teams on call, the Security Alert Team (SAT) and Backup Alert Force (BAF), who would “respond to intrusion attempts and were 1) armed and 2) trained specifically in the use of “lethal force” rules of engagement (ROE).

Mike Krutsch made it to the XO’s office/stateroom and, finding no one in the space, left the box of flowers (with included note “THIS IS A BOMB”) on the desk of the Executive Officer of the USS SEATTLE (AOE-3), having never been challenged by any of the crew on his way through the ship, looking like a civilian or over scruffy sailor in “civies.” He then wandered back to the Quarterdeck area, at which time, the faces of the watch team went white, realizing they had been penetrated in a most unkind manner. “SECURITY ALERT! SECURITY ALERT! QUARTERDECK! AWAY THE SAT! AWAY THE BAF!” sounded on the 1MC General Announcing System. Mike, all grins, when asked if he was an intruder, answer “Yes” (the game rules) and then, realizing, as armed sailors came running, there was someone else unaccounted for…..

“Are you working alone?” “No.” “SECURITY ALERT! SECURITY ALERT!…” They finally found OS2 Relph in the forward part of the ship, where he had wandered off to.

Well, they were mightily embarrassed at being humiliated, but…it was nothing more than payback, with attitude. The Command Duty Officer was obligated to sign three Z-5-O letters, with two having to be indicated that they had been penetrated and failed the drill…..And, our manliness was feeling more intact, having paid the SEATTLE crew back in spades…

Oh, Chief Mac didn’t just roll over and go back to sleep after this operation….come back next Wednesday for the follow on report of sailors in port running drills.

Yes, the game console craze is in “full swing” so to speak.

Need a little “dark” gaming humor to make you smile (and warn you of the dangers of Wii)?

One excerpt of note, a poem about the result of loosing a controller into the air, and where it fell, well, these people know where:

So, its Christmas eve. I’m happy, the family is happy. One wii sports homerun later. We have a broken decorative teapot. Blame the over zealous father. I wrote this poem to commemorate the occasion.

I’m a little teapot, short and stout.
somewhere is my handle, over there is my spout.
When I get all wii’d up, hear me shout.
“OH GOD, IT HURTS, WHERE IS MY HANDLE,
SOMEBODY HELP ME PLEASE!!!!!”

-Bradford

Check out the damaged pets, people, TVs and computers, as well as other breakable objects in the vicinity of gamers gone wild…

Trackbacked at:
Third World County

Here is it. They have the audio done there, too! Ron Allen is the winner.

Oh, it was a contest held by Bill Bennett on his morning talk show to come up with a song about Sandy Berger taking files from the National Archives.

Lyrics from the post:

Sandy Berger Can
by Ron Allen
(to the tune of “Secret Agent Man”)

Bill and Hillary lookin’ for a legacy
But the national archives held a vast conspiracy
They thought about a plan
Asking who would be their man
Who can we now trust to crack this quandary?

Sandy Berger can
Sandy Berger can
He can stuff that troubling history into his socks and pants

Now Bill and Hillary met with Sandy Berger.
They talked about the plan…now it’s not murder.
They gave him all he’d need.
They thought he could succeed.
It simple, just go in and get those files.

Sandy Berger can
Sandy Berger can
He’ll stuff those troubling files into his socks and pants.

The day had come and it was time to do it.
If he is caught the press can misconstrue it.
It’s not that big a deal, it had a presidential seal.
And he said he’s sorry so that ends it.

Sandy Berger can
Sandy Berger can
He’ll get us eight more years
So we can implement our plan

Your next opportunity to become famous may be when Bill Bennett has an essay contest, subject: “A World Without America.” IT might be set up to be completed around July 4th this year….some details here.

From the wonderfully insightful work of Cox and Forkum site:

CAIR is raising a ruckus about the depiction of terrorists. It follows the pattern. Pick away at any situation here in the US that makes them “feel” bad, yet never stand up and condemn the beheading/torture/slaughter of anyone in the Middle East, or Thailand or the Philippines, or Malaysia (you get the idea.

The plan? Well, make us afraid to even comment that Muslims may be connected with terror, which makes it easier to walk on buy with evil intent, and we are afraid, for fear of lawyers championing the “cause.”

On top of that, what word can we use to epand the description beyond “hyper-?” As with credit cards types, first they were just cards, then “Gold” cards, then “Platinum” and now “Titanium.” Before long, you just run out of elements in the periodic table and then what do you do? We’re kinda already at the end of the modifier run for descriptions of over the top reactions….suggestions?

Last week, a “nickel back” story, and this week, more stories about “Aussies.”

In the meantime, feel free to track back (except for spammers…)

So, there I was with a ship load of Aussies in training. They were, more so than most ship’s crews for our FFGs, really far from home.

So, if you head down to the club with the Aussies, they have a particular cultural behavior to promote equanimity between those in attendance. It’s considered polite for buy drinks in “rounds.” After all, you are at the club, to tell “sea stories” but….well, to drink.

In Aussie-speak, they call a round of drinks for your group a “shout.” So, the “shouts” begin. Not a big deal, but there is another rule: Everyone buys a shout. Ok, makes sense. Now the third rule: You stay to have a shout from everyone. To even put your cash on the bar and make sure there’s enough for your social obligation, then say your goodbyes is *not* acceptable.

Lessons learned the hard way (called in hard gained wisdom): Never go drinking with more Aussies than the number of drinks you want (can) drink in that setting….