Archive for the 'Humor' Category

Ropeyarn Sunday “Sea Stories” and Open Trackbacks

May 2nd, 2007 by xformed

More Open Trackbacks!

The “sea story:”

Back in the day when we could neither confirm nor deny the presence of nuclear weapons aboard naval vessels, we used to regularly practice the protection of things that might or might not have been aboard. It mattered not if they were or weren’t from the crew’s standpoint, it was s skill necessary to be regularly flexed and so it was.

The calling away of the drills were mandated to be stated the same as though it was an actual “event” when an intruder might get aboard, so when the word was passed “Away the Security Alert Team, Away the Backup Alert Force” it always sounded the same. This was different from the other exercises on the ships, which would be prefaced on the 1MC (General Announcing System) with “THIS IS A DRILL!” to let us all know to be professional, yet not damage gear or ourselves in the response.

So, one fine day, on an unnamed vessel in an unnamed port at a major Naval Station, at the approximate time the drill was run daily, the word was passed on the 1MC, setting feet into motion and sending adrenaline coursing through the veins of young men, who, having first reported to the small arms lockers, were then equipped with 1911 .45 cal pistols, Remington 870 12 gauge shotguns and M-14 7.62mm rifles, and, I might add, at least two magazines for each weapon, and yes, the magazines were loaded with live rounds.

The response to the crew, if not a member of the SAT or BAF, was to “stand fast,” in other words, stay put right where you were. It would help separate the good guys from the bad guys, had the need to give pursuit and engage arisen.

However, on this particular day in either late 1979, or the middle of 1980, the Main Propulsion Assistant, being one of the citizens of the Engineering Department, made the judgment call that this, was in fact a drill, and, he being the important Naval Officer that he was, not to mention on who made the ship move through the water and caused electricity to be generated, deemed himself above the fray and trouble, since the SAT and BAF we doing something for the “Upper Decks,” so he walked on and did not stand fast.

Heading aft on the main deck, port side, and near the mess line, he encountered a member of the security forces, armed with a 1911, an imposing weapons of considerable power at close range. When challenged by the second class petty officer, a Quartermaster by trade, the officer proclaimed his self appointed right to continue to his work area, as he had important business of the ship, and therefore, the Navy to execute.

Said LT, regardless of his rank, within moments, found his nostrils in close quarters with the business end of the .45, and a QM2 uttering the words “HALT, (insert vulgarity here)!” for the LT and those in the vicinity to hear. I might also mention, between the moment of the brushing aside of the direction to stop the first time, and the more pointed command, a magazine of 7 rounds had been inserted into the pistol, the slide had been pulled back and released, causing a live round to be stripped from the top of the magazine and enter the chamber, presenting a condition commonly known a “locked and loaded.”

In a moment of exceptional clarity, the LT indicated his desire to “stand fast,” having reconsidered the level of prioritizing he had early assigned to his work with Engineering Department.

In the aftermath of this “situation,” both the LT and the QM2 had lectures on procedure, for one did not understand it was not his command prerogative to override Navy wide guidance for his convenience, and the other for executing the steps towards the use of “deadly force,” which for those who have stood the watch, know the implication of inserting the magazine on such a drill….

Tracked back @: Yankee Sailor

Category: "Sea Stories", History, Humor, Military, Navy, Open Trackbacks | 1 Comment »

The Next Will Rogers? Mark Twain? W.C. Fields?

April 30th, 2007 by xformed

I may have stumbled across the next great social commentator of our time. The person will remain anonymous, but in an email discussion about massive amount of blog hits, here was the salient comment:

If you really want a lot of hits, it seems the best tactic is to write lunatic rants about one or another political side, yielding no sense of an idea that others’ have motivations that might be in the least valid, and that those on your political side (so long as they hew to your personal interpretation) are angels. That’ll reliably draw the 0.5% of the population that gets no affirmation anywhere else.

Whadda ya think? Did he nail it?

I think he does, as evidenced in “Map: Welcome to the Blogosphere”by Stephen Ornes from Discover magazine:


Courtesy of Matthew Hurst

The blogosphere is the most explosive social network you’ll never see. Recent studies suggest that nearly 60 million blogs exist online, and about 175,000 more crop up daily (that’s about 2 every second). Even though the vast majority of blogs are either abandoned or isolated, many bloggers like to link to other Web sites. These links allow analysts to track trends in blogs and identify the most popular topics of data exchange. Social media expert Matthew Hurst recently collected link data for six weeks and produced this plot of the most active and interconnected parts of the blogosphere.

1 MR. POPULARITY
On the map, white dots represent individual blogs, sized according to number of links. Nearly 500,000 people visit the DailyKos every day, making it one of the world’s most popular blogs. A link from DailyKos is a guaranteed way of attracting Web traffic (and therefore advertising revenue), and as a result DailyKos has a strict link policy. Green links represent one-way links (that is, blog A links to blog B), and blue links indicate reciprocal links (blog B returns the favor).
[…]

Update 5/2/2007: Tech Crunch nails another web phenomena: Digg users determine the news….as they say “Viva La revolution!” (and you thought it was bad when MSM editors decided what would be aired/printed….)

H/T: Little Green Footballs and LGF reader Ward Cleaver

Tracked back @:

Category: Blogging, Humor | 1 Comment »

Fold your Shirt in 2 Seconds…

April 28th, 2007 by xformed

I’m not kidding. Go watch the video.

Good for those desiring a profession in the National Speed Packing League.

Category: Humor, Public Service, Scout Sniping | Comments Off on Fold your Shirt in 2 Seconds…

Quite Possibly the Bumper Sticker to End All Bumper Stickers

April 26th, 2007 by xformed

From the fertile mind of a guy who has caused plenty of gravity to compress his body parts in ways we don’t want to know….

But…if you’re a person who lives life serially via “single issues:” This one is not for you, but there are thousands you can purchase alternatively.

If you can’t bother to spend some time to mediate on the World and all that is in it, preferring to have life spoon (or iPod) fed to you: This one is not for you.

If, on the other hand, you believe life is a complex thing and the universe even more so, and haven’t even tossed people into that discussion: This one’s for you!


Click on the pic to get to CafePress to order yours NOW!
I’d also look for the T, tank top and..no, scratch that, no thongs, coming to a kiosk in a mall near you soon.

Tracked back @: Yankee Sailor

Category: Bumper Stickerisms, Humor, Public Service, Scout Sniping | Comments Off on Quite Possibly the Bumper Sticker to End All Bumper Stickers

Second Career “Issues”

April 25th, 2007 by xformed

My headhunter friend sent this, which is a little lightness for the current days.

Second Career

Tom was in his early 50’s, retired and started a second career.

However, he just couldn’t seem to get to work on time. Every day, 5, 10,15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, real sharp, so the Boss was in a quandary about how to deal with it. Finally, one day he called Tom into the office for a talk.
“Tom, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job, but you’re being late so often is quite bothersome.’

“Yes, I know Boss, and I am working on it.”
“Well good, you are a team player. That’s what I like to hear. It’s odd though, you’re coming in late. I know you’re retired from the Air Force. What did they say if you came in late there?”

“They said, “Good morning, General.”

Heh…

Category: Air Force, Humor, Military | Comments Off on Second Career “Issues”

Cartoon Philosophy

April 15th, 2007 by xformed

In case you missed it in your paper today:


Click on the picture for a larger version

Category: Humor | Comments Off on Cartoon Philosophy

More Conspiracy Theories Emerge – RMS TITANIC

April 5th, 2007 by xformed

Check this out…..Who really did it?

Category: Humor, Public Service | Comments Off on More Conspiracy Theories Emerge – RMS TITANIC

BIll Engvall Flies with the Thunderbirds

March 31st, 2007 by xformed

Doing some idle channel surfing, looking for some mental bubble gum led me to the Comedy Central a few evenings ago, where they had Bill Engvall doing his new routine “15 Degrees Off Cool.” Bill, if you’re not lighting up on the name, is one of the three comedians featured in the “Blue Collar Comedy Tour” movies. along with Jeff Foxworthy and Larry the Cable Guy.

Anyhow, the routine is pretty good, but the last 10 minutes are the best. Bill got a call from the US Air Force Thunderbirds, inviting him to come to Nellis Air Force Base and ride along as a V.I.P.

Seek out and find the showing on the Comedy Central of “15 Degrees Off Cool” and enjoy a wildly candid, “transparent” monologue about getting a ride in an F-16 Falcon. Don’t be chugging anything liquid once he begins the tale…..

Category: Air Force, Humor, Military, Public Service, Supporting the Troops | 4 Comments »

A Little Safety Humor from USS STENNIS

March 30th, 2007 by xformed

As a follow onto the successful VAW community music videos, I present this. You know, I’m beginning to wonder why there are so many YouTube type works on the Navy coming out of the aviation community. Is it they submariners and black shoes are too busy, or just not creative enough? You be the judge!

“Safety Chief”

Technical note: I guess I still have to figure out why YouTube videos don’t always play nice in WordPress, so just click and have fun!

Category: "Sea Stories", Humor, Military, Navy | 3 Comments »

I’m Beginning to Think the Left Buys into “Intelligent Design”

March 29th, 2007 by xformed

Scary, I know. Two posts in one day where there maybe a crossroads in the belief (based on faith) of the Right (me) and the Left (I can’t name names).

Generically speaking, when I read the post about posters at the Huffington Post being upset with Karl Rove doing a little rapping last night, it got me to realize for the better part of the last several years (specifically since Nov 2004), the Left taken on faith that Karl Rove has been the master architect of all that has gone not the way they wanted.

They have no evidence, but they are hard after proving their theory. Gee…sounds like “Intelligent Design” to me…We see things of extreme complexity (hello, Al Gore, take notes) in the design of any life form, in the climate, in the solar system and in the universe, and it looks so planned, many people (myself included) cannot say it was all a case of Brownian Motion that has brought us to this point in our ability to observe.

So, welcome Lefties, to a shared conceptual view. Now if you can only see it to expand your scope to things beyond the mighty, all seeing, all knowing Karl Rove, then we will be in much closer agreement.

H/T: Little Green Footballs

Category: Humor, Political | 2 Comments »

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