Archive for the 'Humor' Category

BOOM! BOOM! OUT GO THE LIGHTS!

June 8th, 2006 by xformed

Note: Our wounded service members need some help…see details on Valour-IT funding laptops with voice recognition software here.

Thanks for your considertaion of this great project!


Official CENTCOM video here…

I nominate this movie as the movie of the day.

Thank you, Viper pilots, for your finely honed air to ground delivery skills. I bet you had to confirm/repeat back 493 times that you had the right target….so thanks for your patience.

How ’bout these lyrics: “500 lbs once, 500 lbs twice…I bet that sure made him feel nice!”

Update: Maybe these lyrics: “500 lbs once, 500 lbs twice…so how about the rest of you guys playing nice?”

Also: Throughout the day, there have been hints of someone inside al-Z’s organization ratting him out. I can see a few possibilities that make this credible. ONe certainly could be he was getting too full of himself and from the inside, they weren’t able to have a coup, to let another rise up in his place. So, how do you do it? Like the stories of war from early times, act nice to your enemey and convey to them that you can help them get the “bad guy (of the day).” That leaves the way open for them to move up into the power vaccum.

Or….consider how successful the world has been in cutting off funding sources for the insurgents. Could a conversation have happened something like this:

Osama: “Hello, Zarq-man? It’s me from somewhere on the border of Pakistan.”

al-Zarqawri: “HEY! OBL! What’s happening?”

OBL: “Zarq, you know how we’ve been squeezed for funds lately, with those infidels stealing the money from our bank accounts, right?”

al-Z: “I sure do…you know it sucks when you get unexpected million dollar cuts in operation budget, when some banker gets all righteous.”

OBL: “You’re dead on…and to think I have to deal with all of al-Qaeda cuts, not just the regional ones you have to take…anyhow, I was thinking last night, then I had this dream, when I woke up, jerking around like an epilectic, and I realized I had a vision from Allah. He said since the Great Satan’s boys (and girls) are offering $25M for you, we could really rebound from our current budget crunch if they were to catch you. How’s this sounding to you so far?”

al-Z: “Let me get this straight: One of my boys rats me out, and the infidels catch me and send me to Club GITMO, and you pocket the reward money. Am I understanding this right?”

OBL: “Oh, yeah. Thant’s what I like about you, you catch on to complex issues quickly. So, how soon can we pull this off?”

al-Z: “Well, it sucks to be me right now. Had you considered you being the one turned in? They are offering more for you than me.”

OBL: “You’re been a good friend, but, to be honest, I’m a little concerned about the bad press you got us when you delivered those 17 heads to the hospital. That was really bad PR. I think you’re liking the butcher role too much.”

al-Z: “Yeah, I can see your point. Give me a few days to set up a safe house and a few innocent civilians to hang out with me. I figure you can get another bounce, and keep that Iranian slacker out of the news cycle for a little while, if they find dead babies in the rubble of my safe house.”

OBL: “Good man. And, think of the fact that you’ll get the 72 raisins before me. Heck, at the rate this war is going, you might want to get a head start on me soon.”

So there you have it, the Z Man was killed because of the budget shortages and over runs…a scary thought indeed, and to be realistic, maybe not too far off. I’m sure $25M will help the planning for a few months….

Get to Iowahawk for the post death Zarq Man AAR, and also another one at GM’ Corner!

Category: Geo-Political, History, Humor, Military, Political | 4 Comments »

Dear Gov Bush: Will This Help?

June 3rd, 2006 by xformed

Oh, the humanity!

The disaster preparedness crowd is all over TV. It seems (yeah, unlike any OTHER YEAR!) Hurricane season is upon us, yes, for a limited time only, AGAIN!

Governor Bush: I know you are concerned about being “Nagined,” when citizen, who purposely choose to exercise their rights to be idiots stay behind after an evacuation order, but….well, this is America and we have a right to be idiots take risks. Hurricanes have a habit of not “landing” where the forecasters say, when they are 10-12, and even 3 days out from landfall (HELLO! Hurricane Charlie!).

I understand how bad it would look if these people then complain that you didn’t come to their house and take care of them personally, but, please….be a leader and tell them to be ready and get back to the work of your office.

Of course, if you’re still scared of the political fallout, school is out now, so crank up those school buses and drive us all to GA, NC, SC and WV now, while you have a chance to get us out in a staged manner, and none of us will have to run out of gas on he Interstate system and take a leak in the median.

Oh, then have these signs modified like this:

Florida Evacuated
On the plus side, in case your political equivalents of Carl Rove didn’t point out to you yet: Ray Nagin got Re-elected….Nature, she can be a bitch….get used to it.Thanks to Mudville Gazette for the Open Post.

Category: Humor, Political | Comments Off on Dear Gov Bush: Will This Help?

Sure Glad They Warned Me…

May 27th, 2006 by xformed

Many a navigator of the US Navy, having a beer, or two, or an adult beverage while on Shore Leave, may have been sucked into the evil plot of napkins pretending to be navigational charts in foreign, or maybe even domestic waters (not to be confused with domestic beer, unless its a “lite” variation).

Napkin Warning

I will assure you readers, that you don’t know me from press releases while I was a Navigator aboard a warship. I never fell for this insidious plot of the enemy to cuase us to ground our vessels due to outdated and inadequate charts….

More wierd waring labels can be found here, courtesy of the Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch.

HT: 1492.

Thanks to Mudville Gazette for the Open Post!

Category: Humor | Comments Off on Sure Glad They Warned Me…

I FOUND IT!

April 26th, 2006 by xformed


During the return home from the MilBlogging Conference, I found that mythical place that so many other have…..

So, one more mystery of life solved: Hog Heaven is a place witth an address…

MilBlogging post-conference work delayed to watcht the Lightening play hockey the way it was meant to be: Full contact, helmets, gloves, sticks, punches all flying….

PS: If you want the full address, leave me comments.

Category: Humor | Comments Off on I FOUND IT!

Why UXO Makes Bad Paperweights

April 4th, 2006 by xformed

Even if it looks really cool and has the possibility of being a great babe magnet, even before this incident, I have always declined to have percussion fired ordnance as paperweights on any of my desks…stick with electically primed is my advice. A 5″54 cal round will do nicely and can also be used as an anchor if you live in New Orleans and the hurricanes come.

The explosion also destroyed a computer keyboard, scattering some of the keys around Colla’s desk.

So even if his fingers come out of this OK, he’ll be having a hard time typing whole words from now on, too…

Category: Humor, Technology | Comments Off on Why UXO Makes Bad Paperweights

YO! Can I Have the Ferrari This Weekend?

March 30th, 2006 by xformed

It seems there are people are doing the same thing with really cool (read: EXPENSIVE!) cars like general aviation plane owners have been doing for years….time sharing!

Anyone interested in a MilBloggers shared car? 🙂

Oh, and there is Ferrari wallpaper at this website

Category: Humor, Uncategorized | Comments Off on YO! Can I Have the Ferrari This Weekend?

When Capt Lex Retires, This May Be His Best Option for Fun

March 21st, 2006 by xformed

YouTube has some great stuff….

Since I know the retired paycheck of a Navy Capt is not good enough to allow Neptunus Lex to have an F/A-18 in his garage for weekend jaunts, maybe he’d be satisfied with doing what the guy in this video did….

And, oh, yeah…he already understands the management of powered flight systems, so he’ll pick it up in no time and can be down at Skydive San Diego real soon now…

Category: Humor | Comments Off on When Capt Lex Retires, This May Be His Best Option for Fun

An Inflatable Raft, a Skyvan and a Camera Dude…

March 21st, 2006 by xformed

Mix with 10 jumpers and Voila!

Try it if you ever get bored with life…

Category: Humor | Comments Off on An Inflatable Raft, a Skyvan and a Camera Dude…

Someone is Trying to Solve the Problem

March 4th, 2006 by

Prototype 19D anti-terror device. Go and read the technical data!

HT: Mudville Gazette’s Open Post.

Category: Humor | Comments Off on Someone is Trying to Solve the Problem

And Now For a Little Levity….

February 28th, 2006 by xformed

From a comment on a post over at Little Green Footballs:

#257 Blue Chip 2/28/2006 01:35PM PST

Ok, time for a little levity.

I’m working on a parody of the Oscars (apologies to all the parody masters out there-I’m a novice-It’s a work in progress).

Any feedback – much appreciated.

* Backstage at the Oscars Rehearsal *

Producer: “Five minutes everybody! Places please! This is a live rehearsal! Camera one – zoom in on Jon!”

Jon Stewart: “Dick? I’m gonna open with the Bush/Cheney ‘Brokeback Mountain’ joke. Maybe use the “Capote & Cheney Hunting” stuff later? You know, after we have the “Jumpin’ Jihad” musical number. What do you think?”

Producer: “Yeah, that works. Don’t forget Rosie O’Donnell and Nathan Lane are doing the “Gay Love Stories at the Movies” montage right after you. Keep it tight on the monologue. We don’t have a lot of time before the commercial break…”

Jon Stewart: “Right. Alex Baldwin and Marty Sheen are still doing the “Support the Troops – Vote Democrat” mock PSA? That’ll kill! Funny stuff!”

Producer: “Of course. Camera Two? Make sure you get a good shot of Cindy Sheehan sitting next to Michael Moore during Jon’s monologue! Third joke in, wait for the line “Bush loves cartoons at the movies….”

Jon Stewart: “Cindy promised to wear her tee shirt if we showed it. That still a go?”

Producer: “Hell yeah! This isn’t the ‘State of the Union’ speech, you know. We still have free speech in Hollywood! By the way, make sure you pull all the “Mohammad – The Musical” jokes”

Jon Stewart: “I pulled all the Mohammad jokes. No sense offending a respected religion for no reason. We don’t need any grief over being ‘insensitive’ to cultural differences.

Producer: “Absolutely. That’s the same reason we dropped Theo Van Gogh from the “In Memoriam” montage. I mean, the guy basically made a hate film. We can’t celebrate that.

Jon Stewart: “Not enough fire insurance in the world to mention that guy! Can you imagine?!? They’d burn the theater down!

Producer: “Hell! They’d burn half of Hollywood down!”

Jon Stewart: “Is Redgrave going to hand out the award to “Paradise Now” when Palestine wins for best foreign film?”

Producer: “Who else? She’s always supported them. We thought it was a good fit. Should be an interesting acceptance speech, too.”

Jon Stewart “Did the President tape a message for opening credits? Like Clinton did?”

Producer: “The President….? Of the Academy….?”

Jon Stewart: “No – the President of the United States. You know, Bush?”

Producer: “Hell no! Will Farrell is doing a really funny impersonation of him we filmed last week. It has ‘Bush’ trying to figure out what the films are about based on just their titles! It’s a scream! He thinks ‘Crash’ is about NASCAR! Our audience will love it”

🙂

Category: Blogging, Humor | Comments Off on And Now For a Little Levity….

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